Kicking out the big "D"

I want to open with this from christianpost.com: 

" "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

- Understanding that two is strong than one is one thing. But, understanding two together united with one God is even stronger! The three cords represent a husband, a wife, and God. These three form a close relationship that is not easily broken."

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you look back and think "WOW, did I really make it through that unharmed?"

Come on...think real hard. We all have had those things hit us like a bolt of lightning that shatter every part of our being and reshape who we are as a person.  Well pretty much all of 2013 was like that for me.  With one trial and tribulation after another, my little life was rattled at work, home, financially, and even my warmth while driving taken away. I had no idea what to do but try to make it one day at a time...and I griped a WHOLE bunch.  Don't believe me? Ask my friends, family and especially my husband.  

After many months of moaning and groaning about how terrible everything was, it REALLY started getting bad.  I started thinking that there was one thing that would fix all my woes...the removal of my husband. Now before you go hating..make sure to read this entire post!

I truly thought that if we got the big "D" then all of these problems I have been having would go away.  At least that is what I thought until we were fighting so much that we both actually said it. I could think it..and even say it...but man did it hurt when he said it to me. Those of you who have got divorced or come extremely close know where we were, its that marriage pit that you either dig out of or make a tunnel to a new pool of applicants.

Growing closer and closer to a week of family filled Christmas extravaganzas, we both felt trapped in a situation with no way out. We had a 6 hr drive to be together for....we barely could be in the same room with each other for 10 min without fighting.  Then something happened...not by by me or by him..but by pure miracle.  We just stopped fighting. The day we left - Christmas day - to go to my moms house we just started to click again.  We started to see each other for what we were..partners.  God's light from above us lifted us out of that hole and showed me personally reason after reason why we needed to stay together and work through problems.  

Some may think its a fluke but not me. When I look at him, I see someone else now. I see the love of my life, a partner, and an allie.  While he will probably kill me if he finds out I wrote about him in a blog, it all was to get down to this.  I truly, deeply love my husband. We have been together for 7 years and for the first time in our relationship I can wholeheartedly say I love him more than I did when we first met or even when we got married. His is an amazing father, he deals with my many faults and most importantly to me we are talking.  We are a team. If he wants a drink of water and I am up, I get it.  If I am just sitting watching TV, he will come over just to give me a kiss. 

This change was so drastic, so wonderful, so fast that it is nothing but a miracle, God's miracle and gift to our family.  

The heat-less car and getting things resolved financially later then originally scheduled and the denial of a raise really means very little because with him by my side, I can make it through....you want to know whats crazy about those tribulations. With my husband hand in hand, many of these are getting all worked out without us having to do anything but stay strong and unified together.  Ya know... I think God knew that. 


 Versus for me right now!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. 

 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."- 1 Peter 4:8

Check out:  http://www.christianpost.com/buzzvine/5-bible-verses-that-will-help-strengthen-your-marriage-107307/ 

The Stress Jacket and Santa Claus

Remember that Stress Jacket I mentioned yesterday? Well its weighing heavy today. I really like the holidays because its the one time each year I get to see most of my family I grew up seeing all the time..HOWEVER..it is also one of the most financially tight times of the year. Every year I buy gifts for people and every year I want to buy more. I want to show people how much I care for them and I want Dixie to have nice things BUT I have to pay bills first.

Do you have kids? If you don't, you don't truly understand how stressful it is to make sure you have money for Santa gifts. I mean really what are you going to say to them if you don't..."Sorry, Santa's broke this year?" I mean really, kids don't get that.

I was that kid that had a birthday that never got a gift or a phone call from her dad when I expected it. The first time, I remember sitting in the front doorway looking out our glass door wandering what I did wrong. This is all I could think about when looking at finances...how I never want Dixie to feel like I did.

It is amazing how as a parent and being Santa Claus brings those kinds of thoughts to mind. This is the first year Dixie understands Santa and the idea of gifts.  She is so happy and full of life. Her excitement and faces of surprise when finding the Elf on the Shelf is priceless but recently I have really started seeing my brother in her.

He would be 21 this January.  He did not get the 3rd Christmas where he really got excited like Dixie does. When I had her it was rough every now and then because I thought of the times spent with Evan at that age. I thought it would be easier as she got older then he was when he died but right now, its not. I miss him. I want a sibling bond so bad. I want that person in my life that has been there with me through it all and knows what I am thinking or was there when I fell down Granny's hill and got rocks in my knee.

But I don't...not like what he would be but there is a reason and purpose behind it. The path I went down and dedication to never give up was in large part to him and because of that I have Dixie. So when I get home tonight, I am going to hug her tight, let her find that Elf, laugh and giggle and cherish the times I have with her and know Evan is watching over us.

My stress and sadness will be overtaken by the love I have for my little family and the times we have with each other.

Needing peace - Victoria

John 14:27 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Tis the Season to Listen to God!

I have been happily in my middle American lifestyle for many years, however the past year or so has been a challenge. If it could go wrong it has!  For the longest time I blamed other people..some I knew, some I did not....but it was still there fault. Definitely not mine! Then I blamed God. He was punishing me from running from my calling to get back into church. When I got back to church and it got worse I blamed Satan for all the things shaking up my life....until today.

Two weeks ago I became a member of Summers Baptist Church in "little town" Arkansas. The Lord is strong in this church and it seems that the message since returning has always been just for me. Whether it be helping others you love come back to their faith or letting go and letting God in. Today we learned about accepting God's timing and having faith that it is up to Him. As I listened to Brother Paul talk I could not help but think about all the things that have been going on in my life recently...ranging from a heat-less car to my house not refinanced when I wanted it to be to many other things just not taking place when I wanted them to.  These things are not attacks..just not taking place when I think they should.

I need to listen to God's placings on my heart and let Him decide when my life will move forward and in what direction. By being faithful, I should trust that He is in control.  But - as my blog title says, I am a bit OCD...and giving another person control is hard enough, let alone the Holy Spirit that I can not physically see.  As I kept thinking about this at church today, I kept feeling pressed to write this blog, surely other people feel this way too.

How to I let go and let God? How do I trust that He will provide me and my family what we need and in the right time? I know because of His word and I believe because of my faith. 

Through this blog, I hope to write about my trials and tribulations in an effort to remind myself that God is in control and to help use His word to keep my OCD and need to be in control myself in check.

It's time for God folks. It's time to take off the stress jacket we have had for years and trust in His judgement, timing, and unconditional love.

I'm working on it! Are you?

Versus that I need today regarding God's Timing:

• Ecclesiastes 8:6  For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him.
• Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In  all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.