The Stress Jacket and Santa Claus

Remember that Stress Jacket I mentioned yesterday? Well its weighing heavy today. I really like the holidays because its the one time each year I get to see most of my family I grew up seeing all the time..HOWEVER..it is also one of the most financially tight times of the year. Every year I buy gifts for people and every year I want to buy more. I want to show people how much I care for them and I want Dixie to have nice things BUT I have to pay bills first.

Do you have kids? If you don't, you don't truly understand how stressful it is to make sure you have money for Santa gifts. I mean really what are you going to say to them if you don't..."Sorry, Santa's broke this year?" I mean really, kids don't get that.

I was that kid that had a birthday that never got a gift or a phone call from her dad when I expected it. The first time, I remember sitting in the front doorway looking out our glass door wandering what I did wrong. This is all I could think about when looking at finances...how I never want Dixie to feel like I did.

It is amazing how as a parent and being Santa Claus brings those kinds of thoughts to mind. This is the first year Dixie understands Santa and the idea of gifts.  She is so happy and full of life. Her excitement and faces of surprise when finding the Elf on the Shelf is priceless but recently I have really started seeing my brother in her.

He would be 21 this January.  He did not get the 3rd Christmas where he really got excited like Dixie does. When I had her it was rough every now and then because I thought of the times spent with Evan at that age. I thought it would be easier as she got older then he was when he died but right now, its not. I miss him. I want a sibling bond so bad. I want that person in my life that has been there with me through it all and knows what I am thinking or was there when I fell down Granny's hill and got rocks in my knee.

But I don't...not like what he would be but there is a reason and purpose behind it. The path I went down and dedication to never give up was in large part to him and because of that I have Dixie. So when I get home tonight, I am going to hug her tight, let her find that Elf, laugh and giggle and cherish the times I have with her and know Evan is watching over us.

My stress and sadness will be overtaken by the love I have for my little family and the times we have with each other.

Needing peace - Victoria

John 14:27 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Tis the Season to Listen to God!

I have been happily in my middle American lifestyle for many years, however the past year or so has been a challenge. If it could go wrong it has!  For the longest time I blamed other people..some I knew, some I did not....but it was still there fault. Definitely not mine! Then I blamed God. He was punishing me from running from my calling to get back into church. When I got back to church and it got worse I blamed Satan for all the things shaking up my life....until today.

Two weeks ago I became a member of Summers Baptist Church in "little town" Arkansas. The Lord is strong in this church and it seems that the message since returning has always been just for me. Whether it be helping others you love come back to their faith or letting go and letting God in. Today we learned about accepting God's timing and having faith that it is up to Him. As I listened to Brother Paul talk I could not help but think about all the things that have been going on in my life recently...ranging from a heat-less car to my house not refinanced when I wanted it to be to many other things just not taking place when I wanted them to.  These things are not attacks..just not taking place when I think they should.

I need to listen to God's placings on my heart and let Him decide when my life will move forward and in what direction. By being faithful, I should trust that He is in control.  But - as my blog title says, I am a bit OCD...and giving another person control is hard enough, let alone the Holy Spirit that I can not physically see.  As I kept thinking about this at church today, I kept feeling pressed to write this blog, surely other people feel this way too.

How to I let go and let God? How do I trust that He will provide me and my family what we need and in the right time? I know because of His word and I believe because of my faith. 

Through this blog, I hope to write about my trials and tribulations in an effort to remind myself that God is in control and to help use His word to keep my OCD and need to be in control myself in check.

It's time for God folks. It's time to take off the stress jacket we have had for years and trust in His judgement, timing, and unconditional love.

I'm working on it! Are you?

Versus that I need today regarding God's Timing:

• Ecclesiastes 8:6  For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him.
• Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In  all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.