Do you have kids? If you don't, you don't truly understand how stressful it is to make sure you have money for Santa gifts. I mean really what are you going to say to them if you don't..."Sorry, Santa's broke this year?" I mean really, kids don't get that.
I was that kid that had a birthday that never got a gift or a phone call from her dad when I expected it. The first time, I remember sitting in the front doorway looking out our glass door wandering what I did wrong. This is all I could think about when looking at finances...how I never want Dixie to feel like I did.
It is amazing how as a parent and being Santa Claus brings those kinds of thoughts to mind. This is the first year Dixie understands Santa and the idea of gifts. She is so happy and full of life. Her excitement and faces of surprise when finding the Elf on the Shelf is priceless but recently I have really started seeing my brother in her.
He would be 21 this January. He did not get the 3rd Christmas where he really got excited like Dixie does. When I had her it was rough every now and then because I thought of the times spent with Evan at that age. I thought it would be easier as she got older then he was when he died but right now, its not. I miss him. I want a sibling bond so bad. I want that person in my life that has been there with me through it all and knows what I am thinking or was there when I fell down Granny's hill and got rocks in my knee.
But I don't...not like what he would be but there is a reason and purpose behind it. The path I went down and dedication to never give up was in large part to him and because of that I have Dixie. So when I get home tonight, I am going to hug her tight, let her find that Elf, laugh and giggle and cherish the times I have with her and know Evan is watching over us.
My stress and sadness will be overtaken by the love I have for my little family and the times we have with each other.
Needing peace - Victoria
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